Kids That I Work With Say The Darndest Things...

I really like kids a lot.

Me:"Sometimes robots have girlfriends, and sometimes their name is Tanisha."

Child:"I like your big zipper Cara."

Me:"What happens on a honeymoon?"
Child:"It's when parents get to do lots of special things together, just the two of them....LIKE PUZZLES!"

Child:"Cara, I know you're psychic."
Me:"Really? What's psychic?"
Child:"When you imagine bunnies."

Me: Oh, are those tree frogs?
Child: Nope, they're two frogs.

Child:"Ozzy spins like a bey-blade!" (referring to my dog Ozzy)

Me:"What are you gonna buy with all your money."

Child:"What's that?"
Me:"My shirt."
Child:"No those are boobs."

Trish:"What kind of fruit is that?"
Child:"That's not fruit! That's a house!"
Trish:"A house? That's a pineapple."
Child:"No, it's Sponge-Bob's house!"

Child:"Where's my dora bling bling?"

Child:"You're funny Cawa!"
Me:"You're funny too."
Child:"Nope, just you."
Me:"Just me? I'm the only funny person in the whole world."

Child:"I'm sad today."
Me:"Oh, why are you sad?"
Child:"Because my mom says I have diarrhea."

Child:"I'm mad at you!"
Me:"I'm sorry to hear that."
Child:"When I go home, I'm leaving you here, and not taking you with me!"

Me: "...Do you have to go to the bathroom?"
Child: "Shumtimes it jusht gets in uncumfortble positions..and I havta adgusht it..."

Child:"Uhh excuse me...I don't know where my counselor is..or her name.."
Steve: "Okay, what does she look like..?"
Child: "Umm she looks like uh.....she's got black like hair...and she looks like....good looking..."
Steve: "Cara's in the shallow end."

(While taking my kids for a walk two of them were jumping over puddles..they came up to a big one and were counting down before they jumped over it.)
Child: "1, 2, 3, 87, 9, 4!"

Child: "I'm gonna marry you Cara!"
Me: "Mmm..I'm sorry..I think I'm kinda taken."
Child: "Fine, I'll marry Julianna!"
Me: "Who's Julianna?"
Child: "A girl in my class."
Me: "....psh...Rebound."

Steve: "I've got him in my sight!" *Hits a kid with a dodgeball...the kid drops to the floor like a rock.*

(I asked the kids why they thought an experiment worked)
Child:"Because Ken shook the goddamn table!".

Child1: Yeah, you walked through puddles
Steve: Then why are my feet dry?
Child1: Maybe you're God
Child2: No, no, Jesus
Child1: It doesn't matter, they're all over 32